Reckless

It was in August about a year and a half ago, just a regular sunny summer day. I was out with my brothers and one of their friends on the new property riding four wheelers. I don't know why, but I was not aware of my surroundings and more reckless than I've ever been. I usually am so paranoid about my surroundings and the horrible things that can happen to me. 
My behavior was beyond odd for me, driving at top speeds and racing around corners. My brothers' friend was sitting behind me on the four-wheeler, having the time of her life. There was no fear in me, until the next thing I knew I was rolling down a hill with the four-wheeler flipping over me, crushing me with every roll.

The only thing that kept me safe was my brothers' friend behind me. After the rolling had stopped, she had kicked the four-wheeler off of me, as I was pinned under it. All I remember is fragments, seeing light then dark every so often and feeling my body contort in weird formations. I thought for sure I had hurt myself and couldn't move when the rolling stopped. After she rolled it off of me, all I could hear was screaming from my brothers. I was in a blackout, a complete daze. I wasn't sure what was going on around me, but for some reason I felt perfectly fine!

My brothers picked me up and looked me in the face. I couldn't hear anything coming from their mouths. I was so confused, yet I felt fine. Finally, I snapped out of the daze, and I could hear them yelling at me, calling me stupid, completely ticked off. It took a few minutes for Kyle's anger to wear off before he asked me if I was alright. That was from a little help of his friend because without her he probably would have been yelling at me all afternoon.

At that point I was crying and confused, and my chest hurt, but every time they asked me if I was alright I said I was fine. I didn't care that I was in pain, because really, I was fine. I was on the bridge of something completely dangerous, and I was fine! I was still crying, dazed and confused. I could still hear them yelling at me, but inside I was smiling. I don't think I've ever been happier inside.

After they calmed down from their anger of my crashing the four-wheeler we started playing a game of volleyball. Quite the transition, their anger turned to tom foolery. I went from crying to smiling and laughing. I had moments of pain where I stopped to hold my ribs but tried to ignore it and kept going. After a while, Kyle noticed I was in pain and kept nagging me about it. I kept telling him I was fine and that there was no reason to get mom and dad into this because I didn't need them mad, too.

I don't know why this was a time in my life I felt most alive. I guess it's that sense of being so close to death that it's the closest thing to living.